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I was born into an active LDS family. My parents are LDS, and many of my ancestors on both sides of the family were among some of the original Mormons who came to Utah under the direction of Brigham Young in 1847. I have a long rich heritage of Mormon history in my background. What does this have to do with my belief that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true? Precicely nothing. One of the many things that impresses me about this church is that one of the most vital points of doctrine insists that if you believe, you do so not just because your parents believe, or because your Sunday School teacher told you so. This church demands that you do not blindly throw your intellect at someone else's feet, or follow just because 20 million other people happen to be doing so as well. Belief in this church requires that you find out the truth for yourself. After all, if there's no real absolute truth to be found, why would this church be different from any of the other thousands of churches, both Christian and non-, scattered over the face of the earth? So if that's a requirement, how do you go about finding out the truth for yourself? I was raised in the church, and I read both the Bible and the Book of Mormon before I was 12 years old, simply because I loved to read. Until that point, I had a very child-like faith. I loved Heavenly Father and Jesus, and felt that they loved me because of the warm-fuzzy feelings I had while I learned about them. However, I didn't feel the need to question anything that I was taught or that I read until I was about 13 years old and going into Junior High. Before that time, my life was peaceful and relatively free of serious conflict. This was actually one of the many bonuses of being raised in a family where the parents' belief that they are married not just until they get sick of each other, or even until "death do us part," but that they are married for eternity, comes into play. Common beliefs, and a desire to actually be together forever make petty squabbles and differences... well, petty. So... while it's not true that my belief in the Gospel is simply because of mere tradition, I cannot claim that my belief is completely uninfluenced by my parents' example. When I started actively searching for the truth, this peaceful, almost idyllic family life of mine was a major evidence to me that -- as God promises -- living the Gospel and keeping the commandments does, in fact, bind families together, and brings a lasting happiness that trancends the common pains and sufferings inflicted by the world. So. What made me start searching? I was in Junior High, age 13, with a frizzy perm-damaged dishwater blonde afro, zits, braces, and freckles. I felt like one of the ugliest kids in school at a time when acceptance into peer groups is vital to self-esteem. I was painfully shy. I wanted friends, and had few. On top of being known as a geek and a nerd, I was also known as a "goodie-two-shoes." Anyone who has been an outcast in one form or another knows the intense pain and grief and loneliness that comes from being ridiculed for something over which you have no control. One particular incident stands out in my mind: One day, I decided to take the school bus home from school, rather than walk. There was a lot of whispering and laughing around me, but I tried to ignore it until I got off the bus... and everyone else got off with me. Turns out, there was a girl, whose name I didn't even know, who told everyone that she was going to beat me up when I got off the bus. So everyone joined to watch. (This still blows my mind -- the senseless cruelty that kids are capable of.) I didn't know what was going on until I was surrounded by about 30 kids, and this girl is in my face shoving me and calling me ugly and stupid. The "ugly" I could agree with at that point. :-) But my intellect was the one thing I took pride in. The next time she went to shove me, I grabbed her arms, and said "I'm not stupid." Then I let go... and walked away. No one followed me. I still don't know why. I was so scared and angry that I was shaking. I felt incredibly violent emotions that I wanted to take out on that girl whose name I didn't even know. I imagined taking her by the back of the head and grinding her face into the gravel until it was a bloody pulp. And these emotions scared me even more than the incident itself. I'd never imagined hurting another human being before. But I could just imagine what was in store for me because of this incident. No longer could I blend into the background and pretend I didn't exist. People knew me; knew of me. I knew that there would be small tortures waiting for me in the halls at school. I knew that the chance for having friends had gone from faint to none, for noone would want to associate with me out of fear of being branded a geek or a nerd like me. That's when I began to question. Why couldn't I fight back? I wondered if I lowered my standards in regard to chastity, drinking and smoking, I would find a group of friends who would understand me; who I could relate to. I wondered why I was living by such strict moral standards if all it was going to do for me was increase my isloation. I started thinking, How do I know that religion isn't just something people made up to make them feel all warm and fuzzy? How do I know it isn't just some big con? After all, there are a ton of religions out there, and each one claims to have, if not the whole truth, at least a large corner on it. And all these commandments! All these restrictions keeping me from going out and having fun. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints claims to be the true church of God on earth, with the complete, untainted gospel restored in its fullness. I figured, okay. Either it's true, or it isn't. Either Joseph Smith was a real prophet who actually saw God the Father and Jesus Christ, and they personally instructed him in how to restore the true church upon the earth... or it didn't happen. Either an angel appeared to Joseph Smith and showed him where to find plates of gold, upon which was inscribed the undefiled, untampered religious record of a people who lived on the American continent from 600 b.c. to 400 a.d... and either Joseph translated those plates by the gift and power of God so that it could stand as a second witness to Jesus Christ next to the Bible... or he didn't. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and ubraideth [scolds] not; and it shall be given him. "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering." James 1:5-6 This is the scripture that Joseph Smith read at the age of 14 that inspired him to go into a grove of trees near his home in upper-state New York and ask which of all the churches was right, for he wanted to worship God in the most correct manner. How surprised he must have been at the answer he received. I figured if Joseph could get an answer of such undeniable power at age 14 -- an answer that, though it caused him endless persecutions for the rest of his life, and then even cost him his life in the end, he never denied -- there's no reason God couldn't do the same for me at age 13. And I wanted, more than anything, to know if the church was true. Because if it was, then it was the most important thing in the world to know that God still spoke to man, still guides us today through living prophets like he did in ancient times. But if it wasn't true, if there was no great Plan of Salvation, I wanted to know that too, for then what would be the point of me continuing to be a "goodie-two-shoes?" If it wasn't true, I planned on doing the "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" thing to the fullest. I remembered the scripture that's found in one of the final chapters of the Book of Mormon. Mormon was the name of the prophet who lived in America towards the end of 400 a.d, and he compiled the records of his people, abridging them into one record inscribed on gold plates, which is why the book is named after him. He was not the sole author, but rather the abridger, the compiler of over 1,000 years of history, and the record of God's dealings with his "other sheep" here in the Americas. (John 10:16) After Mormon died, his son Moroni kept the records until he could hide them in the side of a hill, in what would later be New York state, where they would be safe until God wanted to reveal them. The Book of Mormon was written specifically for us. When Mormon abridged all those records, he did so under the guidance of God, knowing that they were not for his people, but for us now. Before he buried the plates, however, Moroni wrote the following to those he knew would be reading his and his father's words in the future: "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true. And if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. "And by the power of the Holy Ghost, ye may know the truth of all things." Moroni 10:4-5 So there were my guidlines. First, I had read and studied the words that claimed to be from God. I had "received these things." I had a sincere heart. I wanted to know the truth more than anything. I had real intent. I planned on acting on whatever answer, or lack thereof, I might receive. I had faith in Christ -- meaning that I *hoped* he was real, and that he lives, even though I didn't know for sure. So, in the privacy of my room, I knelt down and prayed, asking God to please let me know the truth, whatever it may be. Mere words cannot describe what happened next. The Holy Ghost has been described as a "still small voice," a "burning in the bosom," a "tongue of flame." That's only because there are no real words to describe what happens when, summoned through sincere prayer, the Holy Ghost comes and fills your soul with light and understanding and peace so great that it's as if all darkness is burned away. The heart is filled with joy to bursting, and the mind thinks with a clarity beyond human. And yet, all that power and revelation takes place within the quiet confines of the human soul. Skeptics may mock this as a mere fabrication of imagination. They do so only because they haven't paid the price to experience it themselves. Suffice it to say that I now know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that God lives, and that Jesus is the Christ. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and that God continues to guide his people through living prophets today, as he did in ancient times. I know that the fullness of the Gospel has been restored to the earth. I know this, and I know that anyone who reads the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and then prays sincerely to know the truth, can know it as well. I have since had that experience many times throughout my life as I have continued to search, study and question, and with each experience, my understanding grows. But at that time, when I was a 13 year old junior high school geek, it made all the difference for me. For I understood for the first time my own worth in the eyes of God. For example: Once I believed that God really existed, and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet, I was able to take comfort from the following, which is recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants, which is a book of modern revelations received since the restoration of the Gospel. Section 121 depicts the prayers and prophecies written by Joseph Smith while he was a prisoner in the jail at Liberty, Missouri, dated March 20, 1839. The Prophet, with several companions, had been months in prison. Their petitions and appeals, directed to the executive officers and the judiciary had failed to bring them relief. Before I go on, however, let me mention that I have been to Liberty Jail in Missouri. I have seen the tiny, squalid basement room where Joseph and the others were confined for months on end. It was absolute pitch black, but for candle light and a tiny narrow window for ventilation. During the time that Joseph was confined, he also received many reports of the mobs burning LDS homes, tarring and feathering the unimprisoned leaders, and other persecutions. (For those who are unaware, Governor Lilburn W. Boggs of the State of Missouri issued an Extermination Order, stating that Mormons were to be killed if they didn't leave the state. This Extermination Order was only repealed a few years ago, much to the state's embarrassment.) During this time of intense persectution, the Prophet pleaded with the Lord for the suffering people: "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?" Doctrine & Covenants 121:1-3 The Lord responded to Joseph's prayer with the following (emphasis added): "...And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon the; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give the experience and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way... Thy days are known and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9 This passage of scripture is just one example of many that brought my junior high torment, and any suffering that I have experienced in the 15 years since, into new perspective. Because of my understanding of the true nature of God, and his great Plan of Salvation, I gained an inner strength and a courage that I didn't know I had. I was able to not only survive, but actually enjoy the rest of my schooling, and had the courage to reach beyond myself and make good, lasting friends. Since then, I have experienced joy greater than I ever thought possible, and my grief over life's many tragedies has been comforted. All this and more only serve to strengthen my testimony of the truthfullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. So what does this mean about other churches? That they're all bad because they don't have the fullness of the Gospel? Nonsense. People with good hearts all over the world, both Christian and non-Christian, have been striving to find the truth since the beginning of time, and all of them have succeeded to some measure. I have been a student of world religions for some time now, and I've consistenly been amazed at how many basic similarities there are in nearly all religions. God will not condemn someone simply because they lack a fullness of truth, if they do the best they can with what they have. This is another reason why I love the Gospel so much. It details in ultra-simplicity how God is both just and merciful, and how he has provided a way for each and every one of his children, no matter what faith they may be, to receive Salvation. So why do Mormons send out missionaries if this is the case? Why not let everyone be, with what they have? Well, why not? If you had something that you knew would bring someone greater, lasting joy than they've ever experienced before, wouldn't you want to share it? Well, I would. And I have. I served an LDS mission when I was 21 years old, and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. But that's another story in and of itself. That's also why I'm writing this down on this web page. I don't want anyone that I know coming up to me in the afterlife and saying "You knew! This could have helped me. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends!" "Um... well, I was scared that you'd think I was some religious freak or something." *BAP* "That's no excuse!" So, in the end, I guess that's why I'm writing this down. I don't want any of you yelling at me in the hereafter. ;-) Go back to LDS Page Go back to the Main Page |