Ad Finem('til the end)
by Michelle Thatcher

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All characters used in this story are the exclusive property of
CLAMP. My rights to any characters in it are laughable.  This story
contains SPOILERS and Shonen ai and sap.  

This story is archived at http://www.akane.org/michelle

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==============
 Chapter Four
==============

     Sakura brought Yukito to one of the nearby guest rooms and
laid him out on the bed."What happened to him?" she whispered.

     "I don't know, Sakura-chan.  He just collapsed suddenly.  He
hasn't been complaining about any weakness lately, but since he
went back to his weaker form, it looks as if he ran out of
power."  Keroberus shifted to sit on his strong hind legs and
continued to watch over his fallen comrade.  "But that doesn't
make any sense.  Even if you weren't stronger now than you've
ever been, the power that your brother -" He looked up to gauge
her reaction, but she just seemed to be waiting for him to
continue.  "That your brother gave him is still with him.  By
itself it should be more than enough to keep him going even if
you weren't here."

     She squeezed the hand of the form on the bed.  "Yue ..." she
said, half concerned and half lost.  It was her worst fear made
manifest, especially since it had never occurred to her that
problems might arise even during her lifetime.  What if -

     She shook herself free.  This was still what she'd been
preparing for, wasn't it?  Yue was in trouble and she was going
to help him.  She closed her eyes and began to focus her power. 
"I'm going to find out what's wrong," she announced.  "We are not
to be disturbed."

     "Yes, master," Keroberus intoned formally, but before
leaving he rubbed his cheek against hers and purred briefly. 
This was his Sakura-chan and if anyone could fix this, she could. 
And even with her eyes closed, with her power extended like this
she could feel him leave.  He had faith in her and she *would*
bring his companion back.  She wouldn't let either of them down. 
She couldn't.

     She began to examine his magical field.

     Strange.  It felt normal enough.  Strong, even.  Every part
of him seemed saturated with the gentle moon energy that he
wielded so effectively.  His power flowed freely around him and
warmed her consciousness as her mind floated amid the swirling
white sea.  She turned her attention to the anomalous and
benevolent bubble that was not native to Yue.  The Onii-chan
bubble.  It looked just like it always had.  Pastel and
iridescent floating around with the other powers.  As she drew
closer expecting the usual emotions to come towards her, to her
surprise, it retreated.

     That had never happened before.

     She located it once more.  Keeping her mind more firmly
fixed on it, she began trying to see -

     It was practically squirming.  It was the strangest feeling
she'd ever had.  Almost like it was deliberately resisting her
probing.  But how -

     Or rather, why?

     'Please, Onii-chan?' she asked respectfully.  'I only want
to help.'

     It slipped away from her completely and retreated once more.

     'Come back here!' she insisted beginning to lose patience. 
She cornered it and held it with a greater exertion of will.  As
she approached it to examine it acutely, for the first time it
did not evade or retreat in the face of her attention. _Finally._ 
 She thought in relief.  She regarded it carefully only to find
her mental self forcefully repelled.  She took a moment to
recover from the psychic whiplash then turned once more to the
source of her latest frustration.   'Why, onii-chan?' she thought
sullenly. 'He's my responsibility.  I'm worried.'

     The only answer was a vague image which made itself manifest
in her emotion filled brain.  A large wooden sign that said "Keep
Out.  Kaijuu not allowed."

     'Moou!' she protested, but that pretty much cinched it.  He
was behind this.  He had a plan and she and Yue would both just
have to wait and see what happened.  She knew that she could
force her way in, but unless he gave her some reason to be
suspicious, she just had to trust her brother.  He'd never let
her down before.  Not ever.

     But it still hurt.

     Slowly, she pulled her consciousness back into herself and
opened her eyes.  The pale form of Yukito still lay unconscious
on the bed before her, his hand still held tightly by hers.  She
bowed her head over it and wept.


***


     Sakura was finally sleeping.  Keroberus had dragged her to
bed, and taking the covers in his mouth, had pulled them up
around her.  "There's nothing more to be done right now," he had
said.  "You need to rest.  Do you want to look like you've been
up all night if he wakes in the morning?  He'll worry."

     "But Kero-chan-!"

     "Relax, Sakura-chan."  He gave the covers a final tug. 
"I'll watch over your snow bunny.  You just get some sleep."

     So in the center of a quiet house, Keroberus lay curled up
beside the bed which still held the motionless form of Tsukishiro
Yukito.  "What's going on, Yue?" he asked the silence.  "What's
wrong?"

     From what Sakura had told him, everything seemed to be in
order in Yue/Yukito's magical field. "Why now?  She's been so
worried about you.  Couldn't this have waited?"

     No answer came.  Not for many hours.  As the night stretched
on, his attention sometimes faltered.  His mind would dwell on
the present crisis as well as his memories of the past.  His eyes
wandered to the window and he was surprised to learn that the
moon was full.  He thought of all the nights he'd spent gazing
out of Sakura's bedroom window at her father's old house in
Tokyo.  The full moon had been a real concern to him then.  A
crisis on the horizon.  The approaching day of judgement.

     Was it significant that the moon was full now?

     After all, this should have been the time when Yue's powers
were at their strongest.  The more he thought about this
situation, the less sense it made.

     "Please wake up." he said to the pale boy.  "Sakura-chan is
worried."

     And Yukito's eyes opened.


***


     "Sakura-chan is worried." said To-ya in the dream he seemed
to be having.  "You should wake up now."

     Was he asleep, then?

     He hadn't slept in so many years.

     He opened his eyes.

     Keroberus was leaning over him looking worried.  "Yue?" he
asked.  "Are you alright?"

     "I'm fine, thank you," said Yukito with a gentle smile. 
"Where is Sakura-chan?"

     For a moment he thought that Sakura's pet lion looked a
little startled, but he gathered his composure to reply.  "She's
sleeping," he said.  "I sent her to bed after she was sure you
weren't in any immediate danger.  I don't suppose you can tell me
what's going on?"

     Yukito frowned ever so slightly.  "What do you mean?"

     The beast snorted.  "I mean that you passed out.  You've
been lying there unconscious for hours.  We've been worried sick
about you."

     He thought about that.  The truth was that he felt just
fine.  Quite good, in fact.  Except ...  "I don't suppose I could
get something to eat?" he requested politely.

     Keroberus tensed.  After Sakura's trial, the line between
Yue and Yukito had begun to blur little by little.  Eventually
they'd become practically interchangeable.  Shouldn't Yue have
all of his memories even in this form?  Why was he behaving so
strangely?  And food?  Still, it would give him a chance to chat
with ... Yukito, and see what he could learn.  "Can you walk?"

     Yukito blinked.  He moved his legs slowly, experimentally,
and then set his feet gently on the ground.  "Yes, of course."

     "Then we should go to the kitchen."  He turned and headed
for the door sparing only a bit of attention to see that Yukito
did, indeed, seem solid enough on his feet.  It was going to be
an interesting night.


***


     It was definitely white feathers.  And they were so very
warm.  She sighed with deep contentment as they wrapped
themselves more tightly around her in a living and conscious act. 
Soft and bright and beautiful.  Gentle and luminous.  Like
moonlight.  And as Sakura awoke, she remembered the promise of
the previous day.

     Yue would be fine.  Whatever was happening to him now was a
part of the concerted effort that would ultimately save him.  It
was frustrating not understanding what was intended for the
beautiful soul in her keeping, but she trusted that when it was
time for her to play her role, she would know what she was meant
to do.

     The sunlight of morning was making it much harder for her to
doubt that the future held anything but modest success and
continued happiness.

     And as she stood and began dressing for the day, she could
still feel the warmth and gentle pressure of that dream embrace
that was, even now, slipping away from her conscious mind.


***


     "So ..." Yukito said, doing his best to concentrate on the
problem.  "Yue is ... sick?"

     Keroberus sighed.  "We're not really sure.  All I know is
that last night for no reason that I can think of he lost
consciousness and you appeared.  You don't remember any of it?"

     Yukito shook his head.  "I'm sorry.  It's not coming to me."

     "What's the last thing you remember?"

     Sakura crying.  Fujitaka-san looking helpless and sad.  To-
ya's body lying in their bed still and cold.  Kneeling beside
him.  Holding his long slender hand.  Pain.

     He had cried then; had sobbed and shaken and clutched that
hand; had wished that he too could close his eyes and slip gently
beyond the reach of this infinite hurt.

     But he'd promised.

     To-ya had known months before that he didn't have long.  His
keen perception had not relied as heavily on magical power as
they'd all once believed.  It seemed that he was still the first
to know in more cases than not.

     He had been prepared for it since the day he'd made his
decision ... his sacrifice.  When the time had come, he'd asked
for Yukito's word.

     "Take care of her," he'd insisted.  "Promise me you'll
protect her."

     How could he have said no?  To this day Yukito didn't know
who that promise had really been meant to benefit.  Had Touya
been worried that his younger sister would be in danger, or that
Yukito himself would fall into despair if he didn't have a
purpose to cling to?

     But promise he had, and breaking a promise to To-ya was
unthinkable.  To-ya had asked so little of him in all their
wonderful years together.

     The pain had gone on, though.

     Back then he and Yue might as well have been one entity. 
Their behavior and personalities were still very different, but
their motivations were always the same.  Love of To-ya, love of
Sakura, desire to be useful.  Their memories too were all drawn
from a common well.  Yukito remembered being Yue remembered being
Yukito more and more every day.

     Yue, though, did not show his pain.  Did not, in fact, feel
it as intently.  Oh, Yue ached.  Yue longed for the one lost to
him, but Yue's was the pain of one who was used to dealing with
grief as a matter of centuries.  Yukito's pain stabbed and gnawed
and refused to be comforted.  Yue's pain fell gently into a river
of time that flowed slowly through his soul channeled by the
banks of duty and experience.  Yue knew he could face the pain
because he had done it all before.  He was grateful that this
time the loss would not be compounded by centuries of forced
solitude.

     And so, when Yukito's pain had become too much for him to
bear, Yukito's consciousness had come to the surface less often. 
Until one day less often had become never.

     It had been such a long time since he had stirred himself
mentally.  The truth was that he had begun to lose his own will
and identity.  He was no longer aware enough to even monitor the
things Yue did, let alone tell Keroberus what had happened the
night before.  "I'm not sure," he said meekly.  "Some things are
fuzzy."

     The huge lion beast sighed again and considered.  He looked
up at Yukito in concern and frustration.  "And you're feeling
alright now?"

     "Yes, I feel fine."

     Keroberus paced the length of the kitchen then turned back
to his problem.  "Sit straight and close your eyes."

     Yukito complied.

     "Appear before me," the seal beast demanded.  "Yue!"

     Moments passed.

     "Yue!"

     Yukito continued to sit quietly until he was startled by a
frustrated growl from Keroberus.  A truly frightening noise that
had been enough to overwhelm his usual calm.  Feeling slightly
foolish, he turned towards him.  "Does that usually work?" he
asked.

     "Yes," said the Sun Guardian before going back to his
pacing.

     "Well, at least some things never change," said a familiar
voice from the door.  

     He turned to see someone eyeing his pile of dishes and
smiled sheepishly.  "Sakura-chan," he said, genuinely happy to
see her.  "Good morning."

     She smiled brightly.  That smile.  The one that even Yue had
a hard time resisting.  He found himself regretting all the years
of Sakura smiles of which he now had no memory.  "Good morning,
Yukito-san," she said, and her cheerful voice belied the story of
the panicked previous night that Keroberus had related to him. 
"Did you have enough to eat?  If you'd like I could make
pancakes."  

     "Pancakes?" he asked eagerly.  He was rewarded by Sakura's
silver laughter.  He put his hand behind his neck and smiled
back. "That sounds wonderful.  Should I help?"

     Keroberus growled.  "How can you two be so calm about this?" 
He turned to his master.  "Aren't you going to figure out what's
going on?"

     She smiled again.  "Of course, Kero-chan.  But first I'm
going to have breakfast.  Would you like some?"

     Keroberus blinked.  "I'm glad you're feeling better, Sakura-
chan," he said, lowering his head.

     She bent down and hugged him tightly.  Yukito could hear her
whispering, but did not attempt to make out the words.

     The Sun Guardian didn't say anything, but began to purr
gently.  Sakura gave him a quick peck, then stood and turned her
attention to gathering ingredients as she hummed quietly to
herself.  Yukito watched her with affection.  She was an amazing
person.  He was relieved that she no longer seemed worried.  If
Sakura was confident that nothing was really wrong, then
everything would work out alright.

     And here he was.  Awake.  Alive and aware.  He examined his
soul.

     It still hurt.  The pain had not gone away.  Once, though,
there had been no room in him for anything except pain.  Now the
pain was ever present, but not overwhelming.

     He would never forget To-ya.  But perhaps time did offer
healing after all.


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End Chapter Four

Please send any comments you have about this story to:
Michelle Thatcher  misha@cybergal.com

Thankyou for reading.